Searching for Eden Paperback - 2003

First line

Stacy Christian stood breathlessly silent in the shadows beside the downtown Greyhound bus station. In his left hand he held tightly to a broken wine bottle, and swore to use it if he had to. It would not be the first time he had to fight for his life, he thought, and probably not the last. He was not sure how long he had been hiding in the darkened alley, but until he felt it was safe for him to move, he chose to stay right there. In time it seemed clear to him that it was safe enough for him to relax. Leaning on the hard brick building for support, he slid down its cool wall until he was sitting next to his old black leather backpack at his feet. After a couple of deep breaths of the dirt and stench that surrounded him, he started to bring his hand up to his face and realized he was still holding the broken wine bottle. For a moment he stared blindly at the sharp edges of the glass, allowing the thought of death to creep over him. In a flash the glass was gone, and all that remained was his own cursed rage against himself for thinking of taking the easy way out. He had come too far now to take the coward’s way out, he told himself, but he knew in the back of his mind the thought of suicide would always be there. Just as it had been for the last couple of years. Whether he used the thought of suicide as a reality check or a last resort, he still had not figured out. But he did know that dying was the final end for which he was by no means quite ready.